facts bout me

yaya u tag me??

so here goes k a five short description i want u ppl to noe about me... =)

Fact 1:
BLUR.

Fact 2:
SARCASTIC

Fact 3:
I DONT LIKE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTRACTION

Fact 4:
HATE MONEY MINDED PPL

Fact 5:
I BELIEVE IN FACTS AND COMMON SENSE/LOGIC N NOT SUM STORY THAT HAS BEEN CONCOCTED BY SNOBBISH PPL WHO DOESNT APPRECIATE WHAT PPL HAS GONE THROUGH TO LEAD THEM WHERE THEY ARE TODAY...

boleh jadi gila tinking of dis

so fucking stress over iN3d!! arrgh i cant even do a simple graphic... dey say trial n error... still upon lotsa lotsa errors n trials maseh tk fahammm!!!!!!!
argghhh.... n nxt wk practical test on thursday..... i need a crash course seh mcm nie..ASAP.

i need help frm sumone.. siaper eh.. neone tau how to use lightwave?? can teach me??

raya recap

RAYA MADNESS for me!!

last saturday we had our long n awaited raya outing wif the sweet sweet gals... n not forgetting deir loving hubbies... Penutup raya it is... dgn sewa bas lagi.. hehe..

Meeting tym was @ 12 at liza's house(1st house).
dats where we c'brated sri's belated b'day...
Last house was @ Is house.(sempat tgk muzika extravaganza n soccer!!)

D couples were in pink(liza&lan),black(aisha&faizal),white(sal&jaddul),blue(sri&rudy),pink-red(ikin&is). Ayu nyer semua... so loving n sweet wearing matching baju...
it makes me miss dat sumone even more... haiz...

lil zaini(triple kiut!!) n ema lil sis ikot juga..
too bad lin was not wif us throughout d whole raya outing due to her werkplace dnd.
dtg jugak cik zaida kiter to my amazed coz she say to me she cnt mk it.. cey kamu white lie eh.. hehe.. d lama tk jumper.. i miss her..

the gals were excited in meeting up al maklum da lama some haf not met for quite a wile...
the fuss in putting on makeup and retouching here and der for one anoter... gelagat betulll mcm small girls... but it was fun.. outcome was great.. everyone in my eyes look so so pretty n sweet...

as for d guys, except deir duty in bawakkan beg tangan n taking pics for us, they were olrite..
tk salah kan dats wat bfs r supposed to do during raya festive!! jahatnyer kiter...
d guys at tyms r kecoh juger. esp n again being mention in sal's entry,lan,cik liza bf..
being d joker crackin up jokes makin we laugh... cute couple ah krg. esp tym waktu balik nk kena mintak maaf..

n speaking of mintak maaf, d session at d last house wer we ask for forgiveness frm one anoter is really heart-felt by everyone coz most of us cried eventually... tk sangka we all r still together since yr one. thou the misunderstandings, we still have our makeups n still remain best of frens..
n wat did d guys do?? dey smile n laugh at d way we gals ask for forgiveness.. tk baik sey...

PS: again to all the gals, u guys play n important part in my life.. i treasure d frenship dat we haf built so so much.. all i can say is moga pershabatan kita be neverending.. love u all..

houses dat we went to all were served wif great great food.. wat a spread der was.. house upon house.. roti wif daging bamia, lontong goreng, mee, sup kambing,nasi minyak wif d lauk-pauk and etc.. hmm boleh pecah perut.. hehe.. me here would like to thanks d mothers who cook d food jus for us..

lastly, to all d gals who read dis entry, I WANT d RAYA PICS!!!!!!!!! loads of it..
jgn tk send eh...

my weekend

week 2 alrdy.
bump into siti n milah. so so good. ader juga kwn.. i tot dey grad alrdy...
now i can have access to d mp lab.. hehe. leh surf msn.. hehehe.. tanx yah....
now m waiting tym again for lesson to start at 4. IN3D.. gona be a presentation of ideas for d storyboard.. leceh...

don feel like gg for arts appreciation lecture.
wich is at 6-7.


to shahril, if u ever read my entry, kita bukannyer sombong... my outgoing service has been cut by starhub for not paying bill. so cik fiza tk sombong yer... newae i stil remember ya.. selamat hari raya to u yer abang sharil oii..

i dono wen il be paying my hp bill. its currently 160. n if bill tambah lagi it will accumulate to 200 plus... haizz.... leceh leceh...

on 11th of november:
recap:
kak Amy b'day n in conjucntion wif kak Ra's belated b'day. kak Amy 32 n kak Ra 28( falls on 5th nov).
to c'brate both b'days, d family had dinner at makanan laut kampong chai chee near mak's place.. a sumptuos spread of seafood.. yummy...
til today i have not bought dem any presents, i will buy for them soon tho.. :)

on 12th of november:
anyway about raya, well went wif ol sch mates frm serangoon sec.
recap:
it started out late at 4.. hmm dis tym gals there were only 5 of us. ferst part of d outing was wif public transport. mlm oni den d guys ride their bikes n we gals tumpang Is car.. outing wif dem was fun but not as much fun n kecoh as last tym as now semua da ader transport sendiri so kinda no interaction.
anyway most of d houses serve yummylicious food.. n cant imagine even at 12 midnyt pun kita maseh mkn pasta n soto lontong at lawra's house.. hehehe...
the gals n guys are a great bunch of frens. 8 yrs of frenship counting frm sec 1.. fuhyoo.. tak sangka we stil kp in touch til now.. d episodes of cinta monyet btwn one anoter.. d fallout n becuming frens again n etc.. im glad we all r stil frens. n to my amaze one of my fren is in anoter r'ship wif on eof my fren.. tk sangka sangka.. i wish u both best k kin n adi.. :)
moga u r happy wit one anoter..

nw m oni left with d outing wif the sweet gals on 26th...
cant wait to c u gals...

school

Day 2 at sch n it sucks big tym...

stil no frens (almaklum semua da grad except kita jer.. sigh...) to ajak makan wif during my break tym.. n to tell yah my break hours ranges frm 2 to 4 hrs..

haizz... so aper lagi inside lab ajer lah me to surf d net n do watever stuff to mk d hrs pass by... perut tgh making noises nie... hehehe.. lesson wil start at two later..

anyone free for lunch? temankan me.. i mean anytym any day?? not werking ker aper ker??? hehehe.. lin? liza? ikin? sri? sal? ema? zaida? kak caca? or any of d guys dat i knew.. hehe..

ysterday slamat sal came to d rescue.. her day off.. tanx yeah sal darlingz for keeping me company for lunch..

sch werkload- was alrdy given YESTERDAY-1st DAY lagi!!! ; an assignment which was frm in3d. lum kira ADNK,ARTS APPRECIATION, n 1 more elective which i haf not yet dpt. stil in d process.

Tgk on the streets, budak2 smeua pakai baju raya.. i cant wait to jln raya wif frens...

n yah for your info.. i cant make any outgoing calls or send any SMSes..
so lau if ders ne important stuff, jus kol me straightaway or sms me il get back to u sumhow..

Eid Mubarak

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri semua....

Ampun maaf yer kepada u all yg noe me.. ye laa kalau tersilap kata terkasar bahasa sepanjang frenship u noe me i noe u .... maaf yer... moga persahabatan kita kekal ke hingga akhir hayatku...

i love u all... *wink*

Moga semua happy disamping loved ones....

BirThDay GaL

To all my ladies. u noe who u r eh... thanx for d birthday wishes.. hmm i wana tag back to all at each tagboards but how cum eh dey say cookies deactivated?? hehehe.. tk tau lah.. hehehe...

newae here i am.. i appreciate d wishes u gaf me.. KiSSeS to all my darlings hunnies.. =)

LOVE U all!! Muackies!!

gg bonkers

im at home right now.. m so so bored.. ive been slacking at home since attachment ended.
in search of a part tym job as im running out of cash.. i need a job asap.. ne job wil do..

n i jus don like being at home.. i jus feel as if im caged n locked inside dis house.. for all those who noes me i nvr lah keluar slalu n its like d oni time dats i wana go out e2pun kena grill by my parents like as if im gg to do sumthing so so stupid.. i learnt my mistake alrdy.. i noe okies.. jus becoz of one bad guy one rotten guy who i regret bringing hm to meet my familie.. now u of all my parents don trust me nemore.. say dat i dono how to pilih d right guy n dat all guys out der are buayas... isnt dat jus so pisssing me off??? sumtyms i jus feel life is so unfair... d oni tym dat i go out e2pun lau nk kkluar im being asked qn upon qn n curfew upon curfew.. like 9 plus i need to be home.... den how cum d rest of d gals can jus go home late?? its not as if like i don have ne principles in myself.. its like haizz i jus so hate my life right now.. i just want them to believe me dat ive changed alrdy...

having dates... isit wrg to go on dates?? of coz i do noe d dos n donts being on a date. a normal date... i mean isnt gg on dates is to determine on wether we actaully have d chemistry gg on so dat who noes it might develop into a real r'ship???
having to have a conversation wif dat potential dat possibly cld b ur "MR Right" on d phone at night pun i cant even do dat?? i mean my sleep time is even controlled by my parents... wats dat?? arrgh im jus feeling so so stressed up at hm.... if dis way of method gg to happen in a long period of tym i think i will go crazy.. serius i mean it.. den how m i ever gg to be in a serius r'ship wif a guy whoever he is if dis is how my life...

i cant talk late at night..or talk till wee morning hrs.. (isnt dat wat couples do during deir courtship days???)

i think il be a spinster my whole life if dis carry on...

i cant even go out after magrib.. even if i go out its like daytym balik waktu mlm n e2pun limit by 9 plus... lambat ajer kena lecture n accused yg bukan bukan.. n everytym need proof/evidence dat im gg out wif gals instead of guys...

im jus so d fucking stressed up wif my family.. dey r gd in a way... but dey dont seem to understand d situation dat im in.. i need to go out.. i don like to stay at hm all day.. it makes me wana rebel more.. its like dey dont trust me at all.. n i hate dat...

n i don have ne room to call my own at my home..
tk cukup bilik kat uma.. n im jus so d iri hati dat all my frens haf deir own room.
all i ask is jus not to sleep inisde my parents room nemore.. cant believe dat me n my adik laki tercampak kat my parents rm. my bro n his fren in dis rm. my sis n her fren in dis rm..
utamakan kawan gitu eh instead of blood..
i just cant believe dat my sis doesnt wana share d room wif me... y cant dey understand dat if im gona stay longer in d rm wif my parents im gg bonkers... so wat u r supose to haf dis butch girl r'ship gg on.. i respect ur way of life but as a sister do understand my plight.. i jus wana sleep in your room(which used to be mine n my adik) coz oni den will i feel a kind of relief dat im not under d scrutiny of my parents supervision 24hrs.. is dat hard to understand?? ur reasone being u wana privacy wif d gal.. wtf kan... susah sgt ker nk understand...

i jus hate it.. den i told my mom about me wanting to sllp in my sis room.. den dier ckp aper salah nyer tido wif her n dad and adik in d master bedroom.. i haf my own katil tingkat wat.. but still dont u guys get it?? i dont care about my adik coz he stil in sec. sch.. but me.. im turning 20 soon.. n im still sleeping wif my parents... i dont haf d privacy.. wen my parents slp i oso need to slp.. wats dat.. merepek kan.... im not a child nemore...
den dis funny incident my mom says tunggu sampai da jumper d ONE den kawin den i can slp in my own room. what logic is dat??? its so unbelievable to be like dgr mcm gitu nye rreason..
arrghhhh..

oh and again if im stil 25 n nt having a bf yet n m werking alrdy, i still need to slp wif my parents????

help me ya allah, give me d strength to overcum this hurdle of my life..

confrontation

today the unexpected happened.. my dad meet my ex Justin an his new gf at bedok corner..
my dad was having his lunch alone there for his lunchbreak... hmm a confrontation der was by my father.. he approached both of them.. it happened at d bustop..

i think wat my dad had done was d right thiing. dats wat every father should do right?? i meant he tot justin wasnt gentleman enough to tell him dat we both have broken up.. to dad, if a guy have d right to cum to your house n say his interest in your daughter, surely wen d r'ship doesnt werk out, he must be gentleman enuf to cum to your house n explain everything dat it wont workout anymore between him n her and just apologise for everything?? its like my family have embraced and treated him as a family member n dis is wat he returned no explanation for d breakup n just go away silently like dat??

dat is wat dat makes my father so so damn angry n pissed off wif justin..
n d gal tak tau malu wanaa interfere in my fathers conversation wif justin.... i recap frm wat my father said to me.. d gall said wadda shit. dont accuse him neting n stuff.. coz my dad say i don wana noe wat haf happened btween u n my daughter but for all i noe stop being a playboy n treat gals like sum crap.. n dats wer d al interuupt saying wat shit n bla bla bla.. n my father just scolded her back as well and ask her not to interfere. n justin noeing that d situation s gg to get worse, bring the gal away and said goodbye to my father... he noes he is in d wrg n dats y he doesnt fight back wif my father..

hate dem both to the max.. hate d gal coz she shouted back at my father.. jawab balik.. so damn fucking rude.. wif d ciggie in your hand.. damn it... if u wana find trouble wif me after dis, im up for it aite if you think you don like d confrontation done by my father.. although i wont give a damn nemore about u bof nemore.. korang nk nikah ker nk kawin ker aper ker nk elope ker.. i jus hate sumone talking back to my father rudely.. especially sumone who is not involved at all... wich is u in d ferst place..

cant believe justin said i was d one at fault for the breakup. fiza buat pasall tu pasal jas breakup ngn fiza.. ya right.. im glad that i have seen his true colors... thank god my jodoh wif him tak lama.. i appreciate wat my father have done.. he backed me up.. i love my daddy.. n mummy.. i wont wna do anoter mistake to hurt him anymore.. i guess his pride is hurt dat sumone treated her baby gal badly..

well dats all for todays event..

REason Being

im back..

d issue that has been holding me back for this last few weeks has been settled.
i hope everyone will understand my situation on why i chosen that path...
i feel so stupid.. i feel pathethic for being wrong again.
time upon time i made d wrg choices...
wif guys dat is..

dey are all heartless.. bastards.. jerks.. who doesnt want responsibility...
i wish i can be shown some light to guide me tru dis dark phase of my life...
i feel guilty for wat ive done.. remorse n wanted to change for d better?? hmm... not der yet.. im lost.. im still searching for d answer.. for my true identity..
m i cold? m i heartless?? for doing this..

i do this is oso due to my condition n not just becoz i wana save my sorry ass. d sickness dat im in.. its gona make life difficult for me.. its gona be so complicated dat i do not wana take d risk in dangering a life... and even maybe my life... a coward i am.. well dats have always been me.. coward me..

dis is life.. for me.. i kept thinking about the fasting mth dat is gg to cum.. d raya everything..
im thinking of everyones happiness... im thinking of my whole future ahead.. theres so many things that have not been accomplished yet..

n at dis one point of tym i tot frens r jus frens.. wat trues frens really are... i hope im wrg i hope dey are just really bz wif deir lives.. i cant believe some will like just back out d las minute to help me.. bz in stuff or so dey say.. n i cant believe a new fren dat ive just made will make d sacrifice as in his time and tk a day off frm his werk to accompany me.. i dono nemore the meaning of frens.. i jus cant understand ryt now.. maybe im being too emo at dis moment in tym..

i noe i wont like have ne redemption for wat ive done.. i jus pray dat sumone out der heard my cry for support... d moral support to keep me frm gg astray again.. i hope im strong to resist ne temptations there is outside.. i jus wana be strong willed..

"ya allah... i need you the most right now... "

inactive for a while

Recently i have not been msging back to some of the people that have been msging me on my hp...to them, im sorry for not doing so.I will keep in touch with u all only after i have settled this private personal matter of mine. all i an say is im sorry to everyone who have put their faith in me believing me that il make d right choices. im a failure.

Wish me all the best in handling this matter of mine. Pray for my health n safety you guys n gals. Ive made a mistake n i am gg to correct it.I just hope i have the strength to do this option that im gg to take..
I noe this is the best possible choice I have to make.

Till then i shall not be blogging for a period of time.

ps: the chalet thing gg on wif the suprise b'day party for abdulla( c ferst on dfsy will dey be gg. if u gals go il g o) and one of my sweetdarlingz,kak caca event is gg to be attended by me thou.

its been dat LONG.....

Been a while that i have put a new post here..
Well.. To begin with what shall i write ya???

Ok first of all nothing much is happening wif frens. i guessthey all are busy with their own lives. Al maklum some haf alrdystarted their full time job.*im happpy for them* n for some they are busy with fyp presentation. Or due to SIP. Or mayb i should be the one msging them instead of waiting for them to msg me.... hmmm.....Just that i miss gg out wif them...i want the ol times back. be it sweetsistaz/dfsy/liza&elly...

With family all is good.
im happy dat my sis just pass her tp ystrday meaning she can buy her own bike =)
she wanted a scrambler.. soo soo happy for her..making me more n more jealous.just wait for me k. i wil prove to u i dat i can haf a car n bike license as well:P

for werk related, well there's still 10 more days of SIP.yahoo!! i mean for sumone who failed her SIP last tym ard due to her malas-ness in attending SIP. I managed to persevere so far dis tym ard. I just wana pass this SIP..

N sumthing interesting happened, LIza's uncle offer we both a business trip to Jakarta.I think it could be somthing relate wif Islamic Banking like wat he talked to us a few mths ago.I really wanted to go.. I mean it wil be a great opportunity for me.to be involved in business related. can widen my knowledge.BUt mummy and abah will say NO. too dangerous for me. being in a foreign land sumore Jakarta. how i wish i could go . i wanna go sumhow.its like someone alrdy given you an opportunity to work under them.
To prove to them your ability in doing sumthing new..

A Fact

Sumhow im just bored wif my own life. im bored wif everything that is happening ard me. towards me. i feel like im dis nobody where not even one cares abt me..
frens: dey r great n all!! i miss you all!!
family: dey r as per normal!! i love dem just d way dey r!!
but why m i feeling as if im so alone??
m i ready for anoter r'ship?? i am.
i ve gotten over him dats a 100% guarantee..
i've been becuming more n more malas. malas to wake up early.. malas to eat my medicine.. malas to wash all my baju at hm.. every routine is d same everyday be it at hm or at werkplace. its like im not looking forward to my mundane life. life's getting dull.. i want sumthing new.. exciting..

i just need to get out of dis rut.Fullstop.

CelebratioN

National Day was spent yesterday wif family.
Went out for our dinner at BaliThai @Tampines Mall.
Wif Abg Aril n Mummy paying d cost.
Ambience was nice. Abg Wan requested for seats by d side window.

Then it was dessert at Gelare. Everyone had their share of ice-cream. flavor was honey malt crunch for me n Arul,KakRa&KakAmy and Mummy&Abah. AbgAril&AbgWan was jamaican chocolate.SEdap.. actuali it was me dat kena blanja but again AbgAril came to d rescue. hehe.. tanx yah... nxt tym my turn yeah.. =)



WEnt out wif Sal day before. Coz i was thinkinng takkan i shall go hm straight wen d follwing day is a public holiday. So we met at tampines mall.. we ate and do some window shopping n jus talk n talk n talk..
Tanx Sal dearie for accompanying me. We had fun..


then i remember on dis day dat we r supposed to window shopping for aisha birthday prezzie, me ema n lin. ema went bac earli coz she's having a bad headache. den sal met us(lin&me) later after we had finished eating. den it was d ferst tym for me to meet dis guy,S. Lucky my frens were there. Coz to tell ya im quite d pemalu type. Wen it cums to meeting sumone for d ferst tym dat is. Having S der wif we gals was kinda like weird. Its like everyone kept quiet after a few sentences were said. hehe.. it kinda repeated for a few tyms. newae S is nice. easy-going, frenly n everything laa.. *wink-wink*
not forgetting d taking pics session wif me n lin n sal. ;) it was nice..

a**hole colleague

To MR BASTARD who thinks he is so fucking ryt all d tym

Since u let it known to d whole world. well let it be known dat i despise u d moment we ferst had our ferst conversation.
I dont need a colleague who always want to win in his every conversation. I dont need someone who is so arrogant. I dont want to ever know someone who doesnt even know how to make a judgment where he himself is worse.
Dont accuse me of things what ive done wif my personal lif. Who are you to judge me u fucking asshole. What right do you have to interfere wif my personal life.
do u noe d meaning of slandering??? i could easily just went up to u n gif u 1 tight slap. but someone stopped me. But i just cant take it cooly. im not one who forgets. if ever der was to be anoter encounter like dis dats it.. you gona get it frm me. dont think im scared of ya im juz waiting for d right moment.. ur past mistake is because of your fucking attitude. we never complained about u. u r d one who is digging your own grave n now u think u haf d right to ruin sumone else life?? just because u think its unfair dat y u kena complained n we dont???!!! well its all due to your so called freedom mouth u arsehole!!

wat d fuck!! everyone in dis office haf d right to do wat dey wanted. its a matter of wether how u noe how to hide it or not. n yes dey pay us 420 at least we must do sum werk. have i not done any work??
even if i slack i noe when im supposed to do my job wen not to do.
have u ever heard d werd multitasking?
cant one person surf d net while at d same time she/he does his werk???
so dont anyhow call ppl names.
u don haf any right to kol me name or slander me wif such comments.
u r a fucking bastard jerk who doesnt noe wen to shut ur mouth up!!!
u kena complained den u want oters to be in d same boat as u??? is dat wat u want??
oh my goodnes such childish acts.
i can call u asshole whole lotta names but i dont.
n im angry wif myself for dat.
u r not worth it to be called even a colleague fren..

talk to me wen oni ders werk stuff to be discussed abt but better still don talk at all..
jus pass me d news or wat to sumone else ferst ok..

One last Time

Yesterday nyt was d nyt i met Justin for one last tym.
Alaz the exchanging back of stuffs. At my void deck.
I was weak. I cried yesterday. Infront of him. He and I settled issues that's been bothering me.
He turn it out as if everything was my fault.
alaz the words dat i wanted to hear so much.. cos i don take his reason for d breakup 1mth ago as it was like totally crap.. he said he was guilty he was sorry and dat he gotten to noe anoter gal.
he told me he cant understand y do i lied to him like how could he loved someone who was like scared of him.. all my whinings.. isnt tat supposed to be parts n parcel of a r'ship?? nvm.. its over.
wile we talk..i called him a hypocrite coz d gal ryt now is totally opposite of me. ive done everything for you n its like if what his feelings for me is true how could he easily fall in love so soon with anoter person n how could he go wif sumone like dat?? how could after everything we've gone through.. ur uncle passed away.. everything.. i stood by u wen u r jobless.. i don ask alot.. i tried to support u no matter wat knowing dat my financial status is not stable. tried to accomodate ur behaviour and your financial situation. I dont ask alot. I don mind we not going out like other couples. I don mind dat our meeting is always at my voideck coz i know u ant afford to go out n eat. I treasured every moment dat we had. Now u wanted me to pay back d full amt of bill dat u help me to pay?? wen u urself promised you r gg to pay??

Well in d end i did gaf him d full amt wich was 100 yesterdae.
I knew dat he's short of money ryt now. N d oni thing he has is to mk an issue out of my hp bill.
I noe u don haf d money just say dat u r really short n u r in need don say about d bill. coz u urself said u r gg to pay for it. u said haf u ever pinjam my hp at da tym to use.. Well u used it to kol all d companies in d jobs advertisement. U used up my money or like ur ciggies n ur bus fare/taxi fare/train fare wen u r like short of dem. I dont count all dat. N u count about dis hp bill?? u touch on dis sensitive subject about my sickness. how could u.. u noew at ive gone through n wat u said yesterday differs frm wat u said wen we r together... how could u say u r nt able to accomodate my medication bills n stuff n its bettter u let me go?? haiz wat rubbish.. haiz... i juz noe wat goes ard cums ard..

An all u can say is i dont appreciate u cuming at my void deck n i kept whining about nt meeting my frens?? Coz im lonely.. You r not d same d last rocky mth we were together. U keep meeting me for like 5mins or mayb 15 mins den u went off to werk?? what im suppose to feel back den?? insecure i was coz it seems we spending tym much much lesser den before.
n sumhow u stop being mushy towards me being intimate wif me.
what im supposed to feel u tell me..
dono wether he's sincere yesterdae abt him being sad his eys red or mayb dey r jus wolf tears. i dono. i hope he does feel a part of d pain that im having..
gave him one last hug yesterdae before he left. he whisepered in my ear dat if we r really meant we r gg to be together in d end. i told him its not gg to happen. don give me hope n dont fool yourself. you got sumone now. n i run off crying. damn it.. im so weak..


Now i wonder am I really in d wrong in d ferst place..

We r not back together as he is with someone else now..
He's happy on the other side.
i hope u r happy wif your new found love.
prove me wrg dat u both can lasts long. happily til marriage..
coz if u dont last with her, you gona regret letting me go..
d sweetest love dat we bof could haf if u r stil wif me dats wat i promised u..
dats wat faizal proved to me. he's stil wif his current love of his life which im proud of he can stay focused wif one gal at last... im happy for dem both. dey been for like 1 yr plus alrdy.


me??
trying my very best to move on wif my life..
re-accessing what i have done wrg for all d failed relationships dat i had before.
N im sory mummy for crying on ur shoulder yesterday nyt. Im sorry kak ra for throwing my tantrums at u.. I noe u bof r sad as well for me. Dont u worry i'l pick up back d broken pieces of my heart..

Thinking of Ya

Been wanting to go to d rock concert so much at Fort Canning dis Saturday.. 6th August.
was prepared to wear like one hell of a minah rocker just for dat day...
ngn jacket boots celak n everything.. all d accesories ah a rocker wil wear..
wanna c Amy Search( he's lyk d malay version of aerosmith frontman. ahkz..) so so much..
Sumhow i think for sumone who is of my father age, he look kinda kiut..
n i really minat his songs gadisku,rozana,saatku idamkan n etc.. like his voice..
Mati matian ingat ader Search.. Amy Search..
too bad he's not gg to be der so its like
niat utk pergi terpaksa CANCEL.. haizzz... aper nasib...
BUt den again who noes coz my dad keep hinting dat he wana go... he and mummy used to minat rock.. yeah... we'l c...
Nvm if ders a show wif him(Search) involved sumhow i realli realli wana go... hehe...

Weekend was spent temankan dis fren to a wedding dinner invitation(saturday) at pasir ris.
he got no partner n so der i was to save d day.. hehe.. u owe me ya nxt tym ard if i ever need ur help.. Sunday was spent at hm coz ders a kenduri arwah for my auntie to commemorate d 100 days.. everything went smoothly. alhamdulillah.


being me..
im missing dat sumone whoever he is.. to be in my life.. so dat i can share my every moments wif him.. to share him my life. our lives.

For Him

To my suprise, you came back into my life...
The msg in frenster.The entry dat i read in ur blog...
I never knew your real feelings for me back den we were together...
If only i had known... Things would have been diffrent... for u n me...

But boy was i wrong... u left me in d cold not knowing what went wrg exactly...
U decide to go to d opposite direction frm me after wat we tot we cld gif it anoter try.
well i guess watever ur feelings for me r not dat sincere last tym... dats all i could assumed..

all i want for us last tym was for u to be totally open wif me coz i do haf a black past too like everyone else...

i moved wif a few guys after dat. But all dat failed. meaning short term r'ships...
n wen i tot i finally found a better guy d guy whom u think is a smart dude, well u r wrg..
he's d worst ever guy i have seen in my life... n we r over for like after half a yr together.
i just cant believe my judgment in guys.
d guys dat ive chosen after you..

All i can say ryt now is im sorry if i had ever treated u badly before..
All i can say is thanks for bringing me out to burger king at dwntown east dis one moment.. wen my face is really bloated up n full of pimples due to my sickness.. u never judge d way i look.. n for dat thanks alot... i appreciate it n will always remember dat moment..

Jodoh di tangan tuhan, if we r really meant for one anoter we will be together in d end tk kira masa...

Now theres only what ifs....

Heard now u r wif sombeody else.. Im happy dats all i can say for you and ur new love...
I hope it will be everlasting this tym ard u n her.. you bof haf my blessings... hope you r doing ok wif ur NS thingy.. may u be blessed wif gd health always...

as for me... d search still continues for d ONE... only tym will tell...

N dis tym for real, il be right here always in frenster and dis blog.

Pics Galore

The Chalet pics have been uploaded... Seriusly i dono how to link it as in album n stuff.. So here it is on dis entry..

am breathing at last..

My Saturday was spent wif my sec sch frens.
before that will like to say dis again to Dila.
A happy 20th belated b'day to u.
Ur b'dae was on d 22nd July.
Tanx for joing us on Saturday.

Back to my Saturday..
The original four dat is. Dila,Yaya,Syikin & plus me.
Been ages since we four went out originally together.WEnt to catch The Island. Movie was great for me coz it has a happy ending.(i lurrve happy endings!! hehe..) minor flaws der is but who cares..
U can kol me Nora 4 Delta.
n im looking for my Lincoln 6 Echo. hehehe..
ahkz..Scarlet JOhanssen is so gorgeous..catch d 4pm show at lido.

After dat, tym was spent window shopping at topshop wif Dila eyeing for dis skirt she's been aiming before d sale.Cant believe d price drop halfway. wich i tink is a gd catch.
Den syikin haf to go hm as it was like nearing 8 alrdy.
D rez of us decide to go jln jln again.
N dis tym we were walking down taka. Den we haf to make a u-turn back coz Dila wanted so much to c d kiut guy,F...

I noticed F frm his back he was sitting at d side wif his "fren" smoking.
SO finally my fren dila n yaya manage to see F, whom i was n stil m going gaga over.
I was like malu tk tentu pasal. i pretend i nvr saw him.
Dila said his "fren" was giving her a look as she throw her ciggie butt kat bin whereas F was like watching staring at me.

Den we decided to go inside taka to haf a drink at coffeebean.

To my amaze,F, actuali went up to his office to gif me a kol saying dat he noticed me.
padahal i da prasan dier dulu. hehehe.

newae at d coffeebean we sit n talk for like hours.a bonding session. i gez i open up to them more dis tym ard.she never talk dat much. except me n dila. reminiscing about our "experiences" inlove,relationships, sec sch. moments.
it was great.i felt as if we r close again. I love you so muchh...
we all went back together as we r taking d NEL. walk home together wif Dila as she is living opposite of me. yeah!! we click for sure..
cant wait for another session like dis. we four.

i pray dat Tan Nur Fadhilah will get d job dat she wanted so much.
Pluz the sweetsistaz dat haf graduated alrdy. Hope dey get d job dat dey wanted so much.


Sunday went to haf breakfaz wif family at Commonwealth.
Hainanese chicken rice was yummy.
Cannot mk it to d hospital with my darlz sweetsistaz to c lin n awal.
Coz Im late furthermore. Canot mk it in tym.

Pray dat Awal,Lin bf, will recover fully n soon.
Hope dat LIn's abrasions will go away fast.
Wishing Awal a happy belated b'day. yg ker 25 or 24 i tink.
Wish dat he n lin wil be happily together ever after.wishing him d best of health n dipanjangkan umur.
n pray dat no evil eyes is cast upon them both.

Miss u gals.. sori for nt meeting u gals on Sunday.
Hope we all an meet up soon.. Muuah..

Chalet FUN

Had a 3days-2nites chalet at Costa Sands Pasir Ris.
It was fantabulously fantastic. =)
some drinking,dancing,eating and skinny dipping was done..(yeah ryt.. asal boleh jer fiza...hehehe..)
All d girls were present. & deir othar halfs. (on bbq nyt, on 2nd nyt)
Except for mine n Zaida n Sri. (Nvm, ders always a nxt tym ryt u gals???)
Nonetheless we had fun...

.::Ferst day::.
Snapping pics here n der,playing heart-attack(Liza's bf,Lan, pukul nye lah kuattt.... sampai merah tangan gue!! grrr... ) , bowling, plus d fact dat d bbq food is yummylicious!! Coz the chicken marinade was nice (credit goes to Zaida&Sal) for staying up on d ferst nyt to do d marinade. Hmm ferst nyt a lil bit of dancing session ( wif the reggae,hip-hop,rnb n etc). Me n Lin asked Sal n Ema to teach us how to dance. Punya lah kekok n kaku kiter berdua.. had our laughters n jokes.. Den Liza join us. Punyer laa smooth drg groove to d music dis 3 gals. Fuyoo!! Gelek sana sini!! Power!! hehe.. Sri aje tk mau join...

.::Second Day::.
came early at abt 6 to d chalet, Play heart attack again dis tym i think i sumhow get my revenge bac.. yeah..kecian sesiapa tgn yg kena pukul by me.. NO ILL FEELINGS yeah.. hehehe.. Bought a hamper present full of chocolates for Zaida. Hope she lyk it..

BBQ nite was great as we gals do not need to do neting. Except for d marshmaloow.. The oter halfs were present so dey r d one to do the "bakar-ing" for us.
(pemalas eh kiter..) der was d mee hoon goreng (power!! ) by LIn, d bbq food, d dessert by SRi( cocktail jelly n gade was fabulos ). Kak Caca(long tym nvr c her, her voice so manja i likkee.. n she so pretty.. ) was present. But she came late. Aisha n Dan came late as well...BBQ nyt was d nyt wer alot of pics were taken. Pics of couples were taken.. I juz wish i had brought sumone along..*wink2* .. More bonding session for we gals n d guys.. How i wish i can overnyt.. Hmm nvm.. nxt tym wen i am 21 yeah.. hehe..

Hmm everything went smoothly as planned. Hmm n i would like to thanks Zaida for making dis chalet thingy a reality. Thanks to the gals for bringing d food. Thanks to the gals for bringing d speakers,discmans n cds. Thanks to all d guys for making the bbq nite livelier. Esp. Liza bf, Lan cracking jokes(untung cik Liza kiter rajin eh dia tlg kemaskan.. hehehe).

The pics will be uploaded soon yeah..
for now i love ya all so much..
cant wait for anoter outing like dis. hehehe...

.::QuaLiTy TiMe::.

Weekend was great.

after a long period of tym, my baby Umai come to visit us on dat saturday aftnoon. i tink she've grown slimmer.BUt den again her kiutness is still der for a 3 yr ol..
She was at her grandma house at jurong west for quite some tym now.
NEW news about her father really irks me.
How could a husband called an ex-wife daging busuk n etc..
padahal kau nyer org nie suppse to be alim warak.
in d ferst place kenaper amik jadi bini kan klau nk kutuk..
lagipun org da "produce"kan anak utk kau lagi..
i hate guys like him.
da lah tak sedar diri.. da bagus tu org amik kau kerana kau katek... muka hitam.
slamat baka family aku putih dan kuat lau tk hitam kulit mcm kau.. tk sedar diri..
Everyone at home was happy and estatic dat she came. Esp. mummy.. "wink-wink"
love u umai so so much.
biler nk stay ngn mummy lagi??

Spent quality tym wif sal,sri,ikin n lin at sri's house upon sri's invitation.lotsa pics were taken witch each digicam..lotsa "bitching" session. lyk real. ahkz..spread of yummylicious food n appetizer.. i lurrvee..Thanks for inviting me yah.. appreciate it..


Sunday morning was spent wif family at tekka.
ferst tym for me to go to deir market.
Nyt tym was spent wif siblings at do&me chicken.
bought home some for mummy n abah.


erti kawan keje.
aku tulis bahasa gini jadi dier tk faham..
dia kan bangsa lain.tapi lau dia dpt tau juger bagus ah dia sedar diri!!
ada ker rakan kerja aku si satu nie nk pinjam duit.
bukannyer aper laa tapi laki nie da laa aku pinjamkan sepuluh ketul dua bulan lalu tetapi sampai skrg tk bagi bagi.
den tadi nk pinjam aku lagi lima puluh ketul.step ckp akan bagi tym gajji.
dulu nye gaji dtg pun tk byr aku pun..
aku cuma heran... klau camtu sampai biler aku nk dpt balik duit aku.
slamat aku ckp aku takde duit aku tgh kering jugak.dgr crita baru masa aku sampai kejer. critanyer like dis..si deknie ader ker mintak kwn kjer aku yg lain bukan lima puluh tapi seratus dok.amik kesempatan ajer deknie. gerammm...
da laa aku fedup ngn perangai dier..
asyik nk menang jer dlm perbualan.da lah kutuk agama aku.. pi dahh....
tatkal jer aku sabar coz aku kene kejer kat cni lagi lama klau tidak da meletup aku!!

REaL FaCTS

What right do you have to diss me about the pics that i put in my display pic?? Its mine n I have every right to put what I want. Your opinion doesnt matter to me anymore. U calling my pic a s**dal whereas your new gal is d one who is a s**dal by fact.

**Ur opinion doesnt matter to me coz im not yours anymore**

and remember...

a jerk+asshole will always be a jerk+asshole**in dis case its you**

I got no time to entertain you. All i noe my stuffs is given back by the end of this month.

In d meantime,do behave like an adult ok??

And to get the facts straight...

to what extent is my lie??

compared to yours??

On the Line

Met the gals on the 6th.. Some were not present due to conflicting schedules.. Meeting was at tampines mall.. Even thou i came late to meet them I guess it was worth it afterall.. Y?? Hmm to get to see their telatah-ness again.. Betulll like small kids.. Esp. Liza!! We had our laughters ,serious conversation period,laughters again and again. It seems like ders alot to talk about.
Meeting was to discuss about the chalet thingy event that will be held on 19-21 July at downtown east.
Im not quite sure wether I could overnite there. It all depends on my parents you see..
After meeting them, met my parents and bro who was actuali at tampines mall as well.. We den proceed towards changi village to eat for our late nite supper.. Cant believe that dis day(6/7/05) turned out well for me... *wink-wink*

The talks that we gals had.. makes me ponder... about life. about frenship... Sumone will go and sumone new will come into ur life. Or like me, Im one who tenggelam timbul. ahakz.. i swear dis tym ard im not gg to do dis act again no matter wat. Realised the importance of frenship. Coz without them I'll be lonely right here. And judging from the entries that some of the galz wrote, I understand the position that they are in. Misunderstandings n stuff.. To me this just parts and parcel of life. Like ive said, If we really treasure that someone dearly... no matter what problems or misunderstandings dat occured, we must make it a must to work things out. Sincerity in frenship is important.
Im not going to take ne sides as all of them are my frens... Its jus the timing for all of us thats all. So im blaming the bad bad bad timing.... maybe we feel bad coz we cant attend some of the events but thats life.. Yes i admit even thou Im kping in touch back with them again, it will take some tym for me to actually get back close to them coz ive been MIA for like nearly half a yr I guess.. Or more.. i love them all coz they are not one who will judge you but a teguran yes they will if they think what you are doing is wrg. Like an advice dat is but again it all depends on us wether we want to accept.
Just to say that i love being in the company of frens.
I appreciate them being in my life.
To you my gerlfrens, I love ya all...

Happy Birthday

To my dearie , Zaida...

A HAPPY BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY... yg ke 22 dat is...
I gez I am one day late in wishing u.. But then d thought that counts yah.. hehe...

Wishing you all d happiness in your life...
Wif family & wif your guy...
Wishing you all the best in whatever you do...
n no matter what d outcome be it bad jgn putus asa okies...
Moga you dipanjangkan umur dimurahkan rezeki.
Moga you sihat walafiat selalu.
N lastly may our frenship kekal forever n ever n ever okies..
Kp in touch always ya my dear sweet fren...

your sweet darlingz,
fiza.

SuN RiSe

A new day.
A new beginning for me.

Life seems to be so full of suprises...

Everything has been put behind.
Priorities have been set.
New goals are set.

Life has to go on & I thank God that Ive managed to keep in touch with my old frens.
To the sweet galz, my one n oni Lizawati and my sec sch frens... Thanks for understanding and showing dat you galz cared for me... You gals are the only one left that is keeping me sane..

Being the optimistic that I am, I believe there's that someone out there who's really meant for me, smitten by me and appreciate me for who I am and foremost love me for who I really am.

.::As Expected::.

I felt used. I felt wasted.
All due to his lies. LIES upon LIES..
I tot faizal was d worst i had encountered in my life but justin is more worse than him.
shocking revelations today. by the pictures. OMG!!!

Thank God that HE d ALMIGHTY show me justin true colors.
Thanks to dis guy in AM who tell me the truth about him.
To the new gal, whom i actually knew in a way, good luck...
All the best and happy marriage yah?
I just hope d marriage do takes place wif d tok kadi or lets say any civil marriage and not just on d bed yah...


Yes i may be a sinner...
But im not as lowly and deceitful as these two guys or lets just say pluz the gal as well...

Cant believe the obstacles/tests that GOD has set upon me...
I just hope i have the strength to carry on wif my life after this whole fiasco...

stupidity

an idiotic i am.. why?? fucking believe that someone is so the innocent and he's really at a lost...
padahal he hve a new gal ryt now.. FUck him he can go to hell for all i care. Fuck your reason wich is nonsense. Made me believe that you want to convert back. when all your real reason is actually u found yourself a new bloody gal. hmm who wears tank top n stuff.. Hate myself for agreeing towards your sayings such as not to wear dis not to wear makeup n stuff... not to wear any revealing clothes.. you are just one pathological liar i've ever saw in my life. eh nope i tink after faizal. you are d second guy jasli or justin or watsoever your name is.. I hate myself i just can believe that i am one stupid gal to have fallen into your trap.. first love n last love or so i tot..

feelings for him still inside of me?? nope n dis tym around i really meant it.. he sucks big tym. he create stories. he can go to hell for all i care. n for me to even introduce him to my family.. im not one to be toyed around with. you made my life miserable n im not just going to stand around here doin noting wile u jolly well enjoy urself in d company of anoter gal.. its not dat i want you back but i juz despise the things that you have said n you lied to me..
hmm... i wonder how many gals haf you lied your way tru to get to their pussy???? !!!!

My Chronic Illness

It really dawned upon me half an hour ago when i read about SLE on the net... the SERIOUSNESS of SLE. A chronic illness which is LIFE THREATENING if your medications is not taken regularly and for you not to MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.

To think of it, it really scares me to even think of what's the outcome gonna be of my life if lets say my lupus flare up. It has never flare up since i was diagnosed in the year 2002. The doctor has once told me that if a flare up does occurs, it'll be much more worse than the first encounter...

with it...

It really opened up my eyes when i read all those lupus websites. I have not done my part to know well enough what is lupus exactly until today.

All this while, I've been taking my illness lightly as it is. Not following the DOs & DONTs.
All this while, My family have been so worried about my well-being, doing their best to accomodate my illness since im extraordinary from the rest. It made me realised that I've not been treating them well and it makes me sick to recall of the bickerings that I had with them. goodness me, how could i ever become so mean???

To mummy, abah, kak ra, abg aril n adik arul, trust me dis one last tym when I say I am n I WILL take GOOD CARE of my condition. Ive been so dependent on them. What if my parents grow old one day?? What if my siblings started to have their own families?? How am i going to cope with all this??
I need to be independent frm now on...

"ya allah, give me the strength and courage to overcome any obstacles that is thrown upon me.."

Emptiness ahead where do i Go...

everything seems unfair...
i really feel like im suffocating inside dis life of mine...
y does everything does not turn out the way i wanted it to be...
frens are great but sumtyms i just do feel lonely...
its hard to explain but to have someone who loves u as his gf is diffren frm having a frenship wif ur frens...
yes i noe what is fate. i noe wat is destiny. i noe all dat.
y isit just hard for me to let go of dis one last guy???
y cant i just move on wif my life and pretend nothing has happened..
i just cant... i noe my mind is saying to just let it all go but my heart says otherwise...
where do i go frm here??

PIsseD oFF Morning!!!

• for your info, since the lack of room in my house (4-room flat), my younger bro n me sleeping in my parents room. elder sis wif her fren which i considered as a sis is in 1 room. Elder bro n his fren in the other room. oh great so there i was wif my parents.
• woke up by his sms.
• mom start nagging ferst coz so earli ppl msg and she tot i gatal back got new bf.
• den dad wake up as well n start giving a lecture to go back frm werk straight to hm frm now on. do go newer after werk. don gatal find bf or wat and if nk keluar sgt after werk mite as well
  i go n quit sch. jgn menyusahkan dier waste his money for me. quote his saying" kau byk duit ker aper nk kluar sana sini" n etc..
• i cant believe i wake up to hear dis unneccessary conversation.

Back to his sms, he saes earlier on that YES he is going to give back my stuff after i persistently saes i want it back... yesterdae nite he msg me TOMORROW.

Den early in d morning he msg me dis...

his sms: Eh you sis hard disk no value k already spoil..
Huh infact everything no value.. K i got no time to pass you la
If i free i've return it back long time ago k no point keeping la..

N der goes the series of pissing one another tru d exchange of sms.i was having my shower wen d exchanges are made...

My sms: Eh asal ngn kau?? Fishing rod no value?? Aku punya apa.
Bag aku no value?? I can bring it to sch. So apa no valuenyer??!!

My sms: Eh no point? So? It belongs to my sis and she jz want it back.
Susah sgt ker? Rosak2 lah. Dia nk balik. So haf to gif. I want it bac.
D point is its mine n i want i back. Get it? Get dat in your head k.
Da pinjam bagi balik. Bukannye gift...

My sms: N she ask u to repairkan. Klau tkle juz giv her back.. N my fishing rod and my
bag. I decided i want it back.

His sms: Eh2 dis gal.. All those stuff means nothing to me k fuck liked i said i'm busy..
Get it? Understand english? Got it in your brain?? If you have one dat is..

My sms: Eh jerk, d point is u pinjam u return. Its not becoz of no brain or nt,
NO matter how bz u r!! Dnt tel me u cant mit b4 u go to werk. Or u can say
a specific tym like wknd. Eh da laa, Hantar balik aja aah. susah sgt to set a time period
ker.. Plz laa.. Tink ok..

His sms: Eh eh bitch.. Malays will always be malays lah eh. Dont make me start to count the
money k eh.. This sat frm 2-5 under ur blk! YOur bag the fishing rod and the hard
disk! You can take back the bag you bought for me too! I dont give a damn k!

My sms: Eh fuck laa. A simple task which u simply canot do. Dn label me nehow.
All matters is principles. U haf to return what you borrow.. get dat clear ferst aite.
A gift is diffren frma borrowed thing so the gift is urs to kp!! Fhmkan ok plz..

His sms: Oh like dat i dont wanna keep anything la k.. Never wanted to k! Now i remember
helping you to pay your hp before. 80 or 50.. K i want it back too.

My sms: U help. U dn ask for return.. N now u want it back?? cant believe wat u wrote..
U r typical. dat desperate for money??
I'll find ways to cum up with dat money evn if it means degrading myself..
Da lah yg dibagi as a gift as ur b'day present kp i dont want it back..
U r juz unbelievable..


N he stop messsaging me back...

Our last Meeting

ME n HIM no more. regrets???

ans:yes. Coz im such a weakling wen it cums to matters of the heart. Moments are there
and it just cant be erased. N i hate that feeling!!!
ans:no. Life stil have to move with or WITHOUT HIM.. I believe in love. and I believe that
somewhere out there there's dis one guy destined for me... a matter of tym & trust
and risks you have to take to be exact.

Today will be the day I'm going to meet him for the last time. Purpose is to get my stuffs back and give him wats his. I bet he have not recovered the data that my sis wanted frm the hard disk. he told us he be able to retrieve it las tym. BUT i tink we all noe d answer wich is NO. I think d hard disk is left lying in a corner at his room. Collecting dust that is. I just hope my bag and my fishing rod is in a good condition that is. Should i gave back his gifts?? hmm...

Anyway, being pathethic at the end of another soured r'ship is what I promised myself not to get into. Being always the giver in a r'ship, being to withstand and let go the unneccesary vulgarities given to u is demoralising in a way. Ur self esteem gets lower n lower. feeling that they are right and you are always wrong.

I learnt it the hard way. Again wen i tot he's d ONE.
Its time for me to not give a damn about their opinions.I want my thoughts to be heard first. Coz i deserve it. I believe that a guy shal not say any vulgarities to his loved ones even if he is so pissed off. Thats just a NO-NO to treat a lady. I still believes that a gal should always look their best when they are in a r'ship. I believes that every party must be fair in terms of giving each others' their freedom. Sincerity and trust is essential in the beginning of a r'ship.

To him, thanks...

meant for you baby...

been trying to prepare for the worst since my r'ship is in trouble.
does he still take me as his gf?? only God knows..
But things that i had found out recently on the net really makes me upset...
im really at a loss... i cant even concentrate on my work. n im not my usual self... all the problems at hm;the bickerings wif my family members, sumhow at dat moment i really really need you the most. But you are not der for me coz I have to respect and give you the space and time that you needed so much... To disturb you wen you are sleeping/working/bz, i know what the consequences will be..
i need answers.. answers from you...
I guess you dont treat me as your gf anymore. isit true baby??
coz you change your status, you deleted all our pics...
Haizz, isit really over between us?? do say something to me at least...
Ive been trying to kp in touch wif u for the laz 1 mth but to no avail...
i want answers.. i want us to settle this thing asap. its really killing me inside...
are you dat cold hearted baby?? is dis the real you??
questions upon questions i have for you but to list it all down here is not the way.
i want us to meet and settle everything thats been bugging you about us and thats bugging me about us. my heart breaks everytym u rejected my kols and msgs that you have not replied too. all i want is for us to meet.
y do you have to make me suffer lyk dis??
what wrong have i done towards you??

My view...

Old habits die last. As a matter of fact, I know one particular person whom I think is a pathological+dumbo+jerk-ass liar. Not only that, he managed to fool everyone that he knows just so that he can save his sorry-ass. Dat fool who believed the stories was me. But then again, thats life. You'll for sure meet a few rotten ppl in your life. The only thing dat we ppl can do in general is just to take the whole experience in stride and learnt from our mistakes.

I thought I never fall into that particular hole again like they say once bitten twice shy. I guess for me its an exception. Bitten twice. Damn it!!

I wonder do others experience what I'm experiencing right now??

Honesty is d antidote to any relationship where trust is concerned. Most of the times, we people do lie to our spouses/gfs/bfs/fiancees. But to what extent is the lie??

Sometimes, being always the giver in a r'ship is not advisable as it may lead your other half to take full advantage of your kind nature.

As for me, I have and I must make a stand in any type of r'ships that I'll have or am having. I need to get my opinions heard be it bad or good.
Being submissive towards the one you loved will not do you any good as it will bring you more hurt in the future. I've seen first hand what has happened in that kind of scenario. Got too many examples and past experiences to learn from.

Being faithful to one particular person and making him your top priority list in your life. Will it do you more harm or good?? For my case, its the latter.

We all deserve to be with someone that who truly appreciates and loves us for the way we are. I believe in true love. Trust is important to me. I believe in working together in a r'ship towards the IDEAL type of r'ship that we both wanted so much. I'm not one who backs out halfway in a r'ship.
And i believe there's always a solution to any r'ship problem.

Am i ready for love?? Oh you bet I am... Bring it on... With the RIGHT person that is...

Stress Bingit!!

what d f*ck seh dey ask me to do here @ d office.
given to do data entry. Again. Dis tym the brochures products.
Not 1 or 2 but 5 brochures. Everything written on the brochure have to be type back to words frm the pdf format. Alot seh. D reason behind it use words more better than pdf. WTH!!
Wanted to copy frm the pdf file and paste it to words,but to no avail. Y? im not given right frm the administrator.frustrating. Need to ask him. Msg him on yahoo messenger he never reply bac or come to my place. grrr!!! nanti dier...
Not oni dat, i have to help Benny and Marilyn with the ses demo captivate thingy(tink of a storyboard for them plus scripting for the audio wile dey do d rest) and also i have to do my telesales(cold calls) together with Umar. ya ya multitasking.yahoo!! oh great!Im having a headache nw. i tink i just have to get use with this environment. im not stressed but d fact that im having a headache makes me so hard to concentrate on typing the brochures into document.
Arrghhh!! I think im going to haf a migraine anytime now. i tink my brain is overloaded, too many things im concerned about: be it my family(unneccesary naggings,finance matters),my troubled love life, my deadlines for the workload given and my sickness. I think im losing weight so fast. am i losing it??
Btw, Ive lost 5 kg since i worked here. gd sign or a bad sign?? am i falling sick again? like before??
i just don want to be hospitalised again. last tym experience was just too much..
arrgh damn it laa.. i want my sickness and my worries and my problems to go away an away as far as possible.

waiting for you

moody.confused.temperamental.hoping.disappointed.loving.

fools paradise

deleting our blogspot??

without me knowing??

isit damn hard for you to even settle our problem???

dont u think you are the only one who's fucked up over dis??

do you ever think about how im feeling ryt now??

not knowing whats gg tru inside of me??

not knowing when is d tym that we are gg to settle dis problem of ours??

what right do you have to diss me wif that msg content??

being harsh towards me?? all those vulgarities??

what harm have i done towards you that led you til dis extent??

why?? why??

how i wish i can turn back the time to correct the mistakes.

im human. i do haf feelings.
im feeling helpless..lonely..