Yesterday nyt was d nyt i met Justin for one last tym.
Alaz the exchanging back of stuffs. At my void deck.
I was weak. I cried yesterday. Infront of him. He and I settled issues that's been bothering me.
He turn it out as if everything was my fault.
alaz the words dat i wanted to hear so much.. cos i don take his reason for d breakup 1mth ago as it was like totally crap.. he said he was guilty he was sorry and dat he gotten to noe anoter gal.
he told me he cant understand y do i lied to him like how could he loved someone who was like scared of him.. all my whinings.. isnt tat supposed to be parts n parcel of a r'ship?? nvm.. its over.
wile we talk..i called him a hypocrite coz d gal ryt now is totally opposite of me. ive done everything for you n its like if what his feelings for me is true how could he easily fall in love so soon with anoter person n how could he go wif sumone like dat?? how could after everything we've gone through.. ur uncle passed away.. everything.. i stood by u wen u r jobless.. i don ask alot.. i tried to support u no matter wat knowing dat my financial status is not stable. tried to accomodate ur behaviour and your financial situation. I dont ask alot. I don mind we not going out like other couples. I don mind dat our meeting is always at my voideck coz i know u ant afford to go out n eat. I treasured every moment dat we had. Now u wanted me to pay back d full amt of bill dat u help me to pay?? wen u urself promised you r gg to pay??
Well in d end i did gaf him d full amt wich was 100 yesterdae.
I knew dat he's short of money ryt now. N d oni thing he has is to mk an issue out of my hp bill.
I noe u don haf d money just say dat u r really short n u r in need don say about d bill. coz u urself said u r gg to pay for it. u said haf u ever pinjam my hp at da tym to use.. Well u used it to kol all d companies in d jobs advertisement. U used up my money or like ur ciggies n ur bus fare/taxi fare/train fare wen u r like short of dem. I dont count all dat. N u count about dis hp bill?? u touch on dis sensitive subject about my sickness. how could u.. u noew at ive gone through n wat u said yesterday differs frm wat u said wen we r together... how could u say u r nt able to accomodate my medication bills n stuff n its bettter u let me go?? haiz wat rubbish.. haiz... i juz noe wat goes ard cums ard..
An all u can say is i dont appreciate u cuming at my void deck n i kept whining about nt meeting my frens?? Coz im lonely.. You r not d same d last rocky mth we were together. U keep meeting me for like 5mins or mayb 15 mins den u went off to werk?? what im suppose to feel back den?? insecure i was coz it seems we spending tym much much lesser den before.
n sumhow u stop being mushy towards me being intimate wif me.
what im supposed to feel u tell me..
dono wether he's sincere yesterdae abt him being sad his eys red or mayb dey r jus wolf tears. i dono. i hope he does feel a part of d pain that im having..
gave him one last hug yesterdae before he left. he whisepered in my ear dat if we r really meant we r gg to be together in d end. i told him its not gg to happen. don give me hope n dont fool yourself. you got sumone now. n i run off crying. damn it.. im so weak..
Now i wonder am I really in d wrong in d ferst place..
We r not back together as he is with someone else now..
He's happy on the other side.
i hope u r happy wif your new found love.
prove me wrg dat u both can lasts long. happily til marriage..
coz if u dont last with her, you gona regret letting me go..
d sweetest love dat we bof could haf if u r stil wif me dats wat i promised u..
dats wat faizal proved to me. he's stil wif his current love of his life which im proud of he can stay focused wif one gal at last... im happy for dem both. dey been for like 1 yr plus alrdy.
me??
trying my very best to move on wif my life..
re-accessing what i have done wrg for all d failed relationships dat i had before.
N im sory mummy for crying on ur shoulder yesterday nyt. Im sorry kak ra for throwing my tantrums at u.. I noe u bof r sad as well for me. Dont u worry i'l pick up back d broken pieces of my heart..
