im back..
d issue that has been holding me back for this last few weeks has been settled.
i hope everyone will understand my situation on why i chosen that path...
i feel so stupid.. i feel pathethic for being wrong again.
time upon time i made d wrg choices...
wif guys dat is..
dey are all heartless.. bastards.. jerks.. who doesnt want responsibility...
i wish i can be shown some light to guide me tru dis dark phase of my life...
i feel guilty for wat ive done.. remorse n wanted to change for d better?? hmm... not der yet.. im lost.. im still searching for d answer.. for my true identity..
m i cold? m i heartless?? for doing this..
i do this is oso due to my condition n not just becoz i wana save my sorry ass. d sickness dat im in.. its gona make life difficult for me.. its gona be so complicated dat i do not wana take d risk in dangering a life... and even maybe my life... a coward i am.. well dats have always been me.. coward me..
dis is life.. for me.. i kept thinking about the fasting mth dat is gg to cum.. d raya everything..
im thinking of everyones happiness... im thinking of my whole future ahead.. theres so many things that have not been accomplished yet..
n at dis one point of tym i tot frens r jus frens.. wat trues frens really are... i hope im wrg i hope dey are just really bz wif deir lives.. i cant believe some will like just back out d las minute to help me.. bz in stuff or so dey say.. n i cant believe a new fren dat ive just made will make d sacrifice as in his time and tk a day off frm his werk to accompany me.. i dono nemore the meaning of frens.. i jus cant understand ryt now.. maybe im being too emo at dis moment in tym..
i noe i wont like have ne redemption for wat ive done.. i jus pray dat sumone out der heard my cry for support... d moral support to keep me frm gg astray again.. i hope im strong to resist ne temptations there is outside.. i jus wana be strong willed..
"ya allah... i need you the most right now... "
