My miracle. Praises to Allah.

Syukur alhamdulillah.. Dengan kuasa Allah yg maha Esa im able to give birth dgn slamatnya to a baby girl. Words cant describe how i really felt inside to be given HIS blessings for such an amazing gift. Dhia Amelia sees the world on the 15th of March 2013 via casearean birth. She is  born premature at 35 wks 5 day and at 2.2kg. Im happy that i get to see my baby in real life. Alhamdulillah praises to Allah the almighty.. Ibu will withstand d pain of csection fr u sayang.. Even if it is gg to take me a longer time to recover its worth it knowing i got you my Dhia Amelia someone of my own flesh blood. Ibu n Ayah bersyukur we get to hold you in our arms. We love u so much.. Looking forward to spend my days wif you. 

34 wks.

today marks 34 weeks into my pregnancy journey.
3 more weeks to go b4 deciding factor to induce labor or wsit
till dear baby pop.. aiming for a normal birth. insyaallah.
all is well. hubby n me dat is.
last entry on that nite itself we had made up.
all is good. i love him n our baby dearly.
throughout this period since my last entry, i
have prepared some of baby things so that
by the time of baby arrival, i don need to stress myself up
searchg n buyg baby stuffs. 
even tho most of things r hand me down stuffs by my sis in law, i decided
to buy some new things too.
my first born n i want baby to have the best of evrythg.
anyway few things bugging my mind. my younger bro have broken up
wif his gf of hw many yrs. ive treated the gf like a sis. i cnt believe
my younger bro is soo argghhh..... but i noe i cant
force ppl to mk a decision. nw d gf latest update in fb.
is that she wana close a chapter. she deserve to b happy n not wait
fr someone who saes to her i definitely b bck to u in  near future to marry u
but now i need my space. argghh. adik adik... u akan menyesal
satu hari nnt fr lettg a gd gal go. u haf broken her heart one too many.
mind u she doesnt mind ur status.a dropout whereas shes a degree holder. her family welcums u like deir own. i don understand y u change brother. wat do u want in life.
u both cn still haf fun togthr as a couple and do activities togthr wif ur frens.
or find new frens. but togthr as a couple. our parents cn mk it till now y cnt u n her 
influence by ur so called new frens i think..
arggh. i noe love cant b forced. if its meant its meant.
wen d tym u realised her importance in ur life it b too late
coz she has moved on. haiz. i shall not let myself worried too much
on thism shall think happy tots of my baby. i love u... 

hon a gd note hubby has gotten his car licence. alhamdulillah.

drama late at nite

tomoro 17th feb will be my 32 weeks in my pregnancy. n it seems i still have maybe 2 to 4 weeks more to go to ur arrival my dear baby.
mummy is so looking forward to your arrival. in fact you my baby is d oni one that is mmotivating and giving me d drive to be strong n bg positive. i will persevere till d very end
to see my dream come true. in dis case u my dear baby. yes u my baby.
im sori that u have to experience tonite episode btwn mummy n daddy. his actions n words during our late dinner cum supper is a disappoinment.
im sory that you haf to listen to his harsh werds and hear mummys crying.
summore we are eating our food. mummy cant stop d tears as mummy clearing up d food he throw food on his plate n ikan goreng on d dining table wile he angry dat i spoke back. he claims i dont get his point and i stil gt cheek to jawab balik. padahal mummy still got plent of food left on mummy plate. terkunci mummy appetite to see wat ur daddy did to me.
but baby dn worry ok. he is not angry wif u.but oni wif mummy. u dn worry about me. u just focus on bg healthy n growing healthily. mummy wants u b strong. mummy loves u wif all my heart.how cn u do dat to me mr husband. im pregnant wif ur child. n u can throw food rezeki away like dat. r u gg to be like dat always depan mknan? klau marah jer mknan pun nk lempar nk buang. kau ingat aku ni apa. kesabaran aku pun ada limit. n kalau aku melenting balik kau suka. aku tau kau akan bangkit kesilapan aku kerna aku gatal ngn laki lain walaupun aku da bersuami. ok tu mmg salah aku silap aku. aku kesal. tapi cant u get over it. we are startg   new beginning. wif our baby . our miracle from Allah to make our lives closer. but perangai kau sama jer kurang ajar .. kata kata kau kasar. aku tk pernah herdik kau. aku tk pernah lempar2 barang kalau geram. aku tk pernah buang nasi tym marah.kau tak tau ker itu rezeki. arggh.. kau nk aku stress. sory sikit la. skrg yg penting kandunganku. aku sayang sgt dia. perangai kau tadi mmg mintak kena sepak.tatkal ko lagi badan besar dari aku n aku still respect ko sbagai suami aku. harapan aku kau akan berubah nanti.

pregnancy journey

pregnancy is at 30 weeks.was asked by doc to do 6 tyms dialysis per week.

haf delayed d 6th session fr a week due to werk issues. doc asked to start my maternity leave early. dis last stage need b xtra careful n haf all d rest n clean my blood as much as i can. so baby b healthy. doc words hit me wen he saes if juz becoz i want to delay the 6 tyms n werry bout my werk issue. if baby is affected becoz of my stubborness we cant reverse back anythg. my csm has asked hr with regards to my maternity. given the greenlight to start early.   juz dat my leave will end in may. it juz means 1 mth lesser it will b spending tym wif our baby. dis 1 mth wile waiting i wanna get d most rest out of my leave n be healthy n strong fr ur delivery. hopefully dis week

i can start d 6 sessions till i give birth to our baby my dear.

i hope im  given the strength n will to hold on till ur safe delivery my dear baby.

doc has given n estimation that i can deliver baby by 34 weeks. but if i can endure

till 36 weeks it b a gd thing. or if ever before 34 weeks my health n baby is at risk, caesarean it will be. nervous excited n scared at the same time. 

last night had a conversation with hubby dearest. if ever comes a point dat sumthing terrible happen to me while giving or after delivery, im content wif having to provide him our miracle baby.  my only wish is become a mother despite my setbacks. i want him 

to take care of baby n love baby as much as he loves me.

today is free day. 1 day only. hehe.

today took leave to send my love ones off to Bandung. they
only b back on monday. cant go coz of my condition..
looking fr their return this monday coz i miss them.
usualy i b d one to dstrb mummy on LINE wif dos cute pics n smileys evry now
n den. nw no one to kacau fr 5 days. 
m at hm watching tv wile d hubby is at work.
not having to work today feels so good. finally the body
can rest. n its a non dialysis day. so its double goodness.
cats haf to poo at dis tym n no one is cleanin yp. i heard
sumwer dey say preggy ladies shouldnt b near cats poo
coz its harmful. so yup gg to stay in room. but nw ders sum drilling cum
reno werks at sum floor. cannot slp. tot of gg out.
tot of meetg my gf but she cnt go out coz 
she need to tk cr of her mom who had a pneumonia
attack ystrdy nite.d nasi lemak i ate fr breakfast has bn fully digest i gues. coz im feeling hungry n so i eat koko krunch wif milk.
too lazy to walk to dwntwneast alone by myself.

someone i used to know

wats the reason in u appearing back? hmm. m i seeing a ghost?

definitely i think its you. tried to search fr you outside but it seems

u disappear into thin air... 

perseverance.

its been awhile since im here. work is work.

lately been gg hm late frm work due to the crowd.hmm 

gues the CNY fever is cuming bck soon.

with the new promo gg on.. the angbaos the new notes

and stuff. must b alert n get much rest as and wen i can.

my weight has increased. on a gd note hoping all goes 

well. insya-allah. lately bn feeling breathless

aftr or during dialysis session.

on another note, its 98 days more. 

i knew its still long way to go.. i just haf to 

take gd care of myself. n yes.. im thinking 

of you evry nw and den. love u dearest in me.