my feelings r so messed up right now. i need a break. wif my fiance dat is. to rekindle d spark dat i think we r losing. oh gosh.. im so bad to feel dis way.
y cant he see it my way.
or m i expecting too much frm him.
promises r left promises only.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
life is reali full of suprises.
never one would haf thought that being someones tunang wil be giving one so much doubts.
im d one who wanted d engagement so much. but now dat ive gotten it, im feeling wether m i reali reali ready for it. n it reali sucks to haf dis linger in ur mind for quite a wile.
n to add to d problem,my lupus is acting up again. dats wat d doc says. he prescribe me iron pills n dis drug to stop d swelling of joints n muscles dat ive been having lately. tel u d truth he wanted to add d prednisolone( in oter words d steroid;which i detest so much wen we r in dat fateful room9 at ttsh clinic b1b) so he is giving me one mth tym to chckup agn on me. den in 1st dec he is chcking my blood result again n c do i reali need d steroid. who would want? it took me how many years to get wer i m now today.dat med. gave me stretch marks all ovr my body.make me fat. make me haf pimples so many i couldnt even look myself in d mirror without cryg. n my bloated puffy face.sumore it was highlight of my poly yrs lak tu. n ppl yes my feet r killing me dey r swollen tk tentu pasal even tho i wear slippers.it hurts me to go down d staircase.
n ppl im not taking dat drug he gave me to reduce d swelling. coz i noe d side effects. so im taking iron pills now n jus depending on milk milk milk. eating lots n lots of red meat,hati,limpa,spinach n etc.i pray dat my result wil b much bttr den dat 5th novembr one. d charts show evrytg is dropping. mayb its too late now to salvage wat i can for my body to mk it strong.i jus hope n pray il b ok.
mayb im thinking too much lately. my mind reali need peace. i need to haf dat freedom wer im not under 100% lookout frm my ever so modern parents. who lets u out but dint let u overnite or b late hm wif d constant calls.. who dont let u go for holidays unless u r married. n for sumone who is engaged alrdy oso still kena treat like small kid. my tunang is even 33. 10 yrs my senior. i noe wats ryt n wrg. u r d one who pressure me to haf n ikatan coz we hab been too long as gf n bf. not manis but den now im havg doubts.. r we able to save up in 2 yrs tym..coz d oter party nt yet started. n i haf taken out my savings of 10 mths coz i need d money. my bro cant evn lend me a 100 bucks wen i reali nd it for my hosp chckup. not like im nt payg it bck. he cld evn say u jolly well spend ur money u go n tke out ur savgs pln wich inoe u haf money.alot. well.
n my bf is sayg im demanding. n i dnt understand him. is 2yrs of savg up enuf...ive started n u haf not. i shall wait til we r financially ready n evn if it take more den 2 yrs....
n frens ive sinn so much reali...
im d one who wanted d engagement so much. but now dat ive gotten it, im feeling wether m i reali reali ready for it. n it reali sucks to haf dis linger in ur mind for quite a wile.
n to add to d problem,my lupus is acting up again. dats wat d doc says. he prescribe me iron pills n dis drug to stop d swelling of joints n muscles dat ive been having lately. tel u d truth he wanted to add d prednisolone( in oter words d steroid;which i detest so much wen we r in dat fateful room9 at ttsh clinic b1b) so he is giving me one mth tym to chckup agn on me. den in 1st dec he is chcking my blood result again n c do i reali need d steroid. who would want? it took me how many years to get wer i m now today.dat med. gave me stretch marks all ovr my body.make me fat. make me haf pimples so many i couldnt even look myself in d mirror without cryg. n my bloated puffy face.sumore it was highlight of my poly yrs lak tu. n ppl yes my feet r killing me dey r swollen tk tentu pasal even tho i wear slippers.it hurts me to go down d staircase.
n ppl im not taking dat drug he gave me to reduce d swelling. coz i noe d side effects. so im taking iron pills now n jus depending on milk milk milk. eating lots n lots of red meat,hati,limpa,spinach n etc.i pray dat my result wil b much bttr den dat 5th novembr one. d charts show evrytg is dropping. mayb its too late now to salvage wat i can for my body to mk it strong.i jus hope n pray il b ok.
mayb im thinking too much lately. my mind reali need peace. i need to haf dat freedom wer im not under 100% lookout frm my ever so modern parents. who lets u out but dint let u overnite or b late hm wif d constant calls.. who dont let u go for holidays unless u r married. n for sumone who is engaged alrdy oso still kena treat like small kid. my tunang is even 33. 10 yrs my senior. i noe wats ryt n wrg. u r d one who pressure me to haf n ikatan coz we hab been too long as gf n bf. not manis but den now im havg doubts.. r we able to save up in 2 yrs tym..coz d oter party nt yet started. n i haf taken out my savings of 10 mths coz i need d money. my bro cant evn lend me a 100 bucks wen i reali nd it for my hosp chckup. not like im nt payg it bck. he cld evn say u jolly well spend ur money u go n tke out ur savgs pln wich inoe u haf money.alot. well.
n my bf is sayg im demanding. n i dnt understand him. is 2yrs of savg up enuf...ive started n u haf not. i shall wait til we r financially ready n evn if it take more den 2 yrs....
n frens ive sinn so much reali...
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