had a great nite wif my two darlz ystdy.
i love my bf.
im at a crosspoint in my life.
stil deciding.
lately all the ppl ard me are either engaged or gg to be one soon n sum even r gettg
married this yr.
im so happy for them.
this leave me to where?
i noe i shall not rush n jump into the bandwagon like everyone else.
but again.ive been tru alot. m i not deserving of all this happy moments?
m i not deserving enuf to be called someones fiancee? someones wife?
y isit so hard for him to be really so into all this stuff?
making a commitment to me?
(some of u wil say aku yg carik all this nonsense stuff in the first place. and watever happened to me is d consequences of all d stupid choices ive made so far in my life.)
im aware. i knew.
i noe i have to resign to wat my fate lies ahead for me.my destiny.
i noe im asking too much.. whining too much about this issue when i have a whole lot of other things to think about such as my health my work n my personal achievements my goals in life.
maybe all this happiness ard the hype of engagement marriage is actuali hittg me really hard inside.
yah i smile n laugh on the outside but inside only God noes how much guilt-ridden i m.
about the major decisions ive made so far.
he alrdy says that he is open to the idea of this december.
but its oni aftr much persuasion girls.
he's not wanting it.
i want it.
thats d diffrence wich is making me think back.
i shall not rush him.
i shall leave evrythg to him.
tomoro im mitg him and we r having this talk again.
if he is not ready.
i shall not bring up this issue again.
is he worth the wait?
sometimes u just wonder is he for real? is his promises for real?
but y is he actg the way he is now?
talking about making yourself comitted his face will cringe n his tone wil change.
i do not noe y.
oh well..
kalau jodoh takkan ke mana.
