The feels.

I dono hw i am supposed to feel now. Its like every feeling im having right now is dejavu all over again. Im trying to cope with the loss. The loss of not ever seeing you again... yes u said it takes 2 sides to be on the wrong.. takkan bertepuk sebelah tangan... n u r wrong in keeping in touch with me.. but really... u can juz switch off that feeling of yours? Coz im having a hard time here to switch off whatever im feeling inside. Ok i haf to have closure but y do i juz feel like i want us to meet.. y.. so i gues watever u said to me wasnt real after all.. ur feelings fr me? Can be just gone like dat? Do u ever think of me every now n then? Wat could hav been? oh well dat sucks ryt. I have to learn to start loving all over again. Pls Jaja.. sort out your damn feelings. Time will heal all wounds..

Chaotic Monday

Closure. Nvr thought it could end the way it ended. Im pissed off definitely. My hp was broken into pieces. Evrythg went haywire. I only have myself to blame fr all d mess that i have created.  Till then.. one is foolish to ever think that soulmates do exist. Another lifetime perhaps.

someone from the past

Ages since my last post. I realised whenever im upset or feeling uncertainty with regards to that someone.. again the silent treatment from u. I wonder what happened to u n im worried. I hope u r ok wherever you are. i do not know y do i let u make me feel this way again. Its always a question mark.  I had imagined us more. N yet again silent treatment. Hw can i be like fully hearted when u urself is giving me d silent treatment. Anythg wrong with us?? I dont need this treatment from someone that i haf feelings for.

a typical day

Its been a while since I last updated here. 

Whenever there is something that has been bugging my thoughts my feelings my emotions.. I guess this entry here is my only way to express what I am feeling inside..

I am not your conventional mother. I do not get to spend every of my time with my 2 girls. I come home from work to an empty house. Most of d times my other half is working or if not OT. N when he is doing the night shift or OT night shift. Oh well another night alone fr me in this empty house of mine. My girls are at yishun with their grandparents while I am at pasir ris. I cannot afford a maid. My work schedule is very tight. 

I cannot b selfish and ask my parents to slpover here with us and the girls all d time? But some character wont juz change or go away. So yap my mom easily offended. So i haf to jaga hati my parents. I haf to jaga hati my hubby. 

Den wat about my feelings? I miss my girls. N i can oni see dem on my off days. :( 

2014 update.

Its been awhile since my last post. Life so far seems pretty much ok..
my Dhia Amelia is of 16 mths old. It seems like only ystrdy she is this small baby.. pls dn grow up too fast my jantung hati..

As for my work.. im still working with the bank.
While im still able to work i shall work.
Life still goes on. Dialysis sessions 3 times per week and
the lupus follow-up apppoinments.
Had a recent flare up and was admitted recently. Medicine
dosage was increased. Hating the way i look at the moment as
It has to happen just before Raya.

Life between me n hubby is ok.
I cant wait to finally call my home my home.
SIL bought a house and b moving out september.
Yeay!! Waiting to have our own privacy ever since we bought
the house in 2010.
I cant wait fr my nxt project fr my entertainment room.

I wonder what are you up too..
How have u been all this while?
Isit ok if i were to msg a Hi..